THE HUSBANDO SYNDROME

 I dont remember where or when i read it or hear it, but some time ago i hear someone says the "platonic" love was the best mode of love and the most pure and fullfilling because it didnt deal with expectations or dissapointment. Even in many cultures of the past it was seen as something worth porsuing (like in ancient Greece or Japan) and i really agree with it!! But at the same time the more times goes by, the most difficult it gets.

I think i have the Husbando Syndome or the Admirer Syndrome, i dont know how to call it but both are the same thing but from the different side of the coin. Each time i see a man i like i pretty much run at the other side pretty fast, as far away as i can but enough to have a good view of him, then i look at him, examin him, from the safety of the shadows, i obsses with him and idealize him a lot until he somehow turns into a kind of fiction man with a 3D skin on him.

This has happen to me over the years many times and at first i didnt even notice. I always loved my 2D husbandos since i was a teen and at times those characters are my confort and let me survive harships, but i also notice real men i like are in the same pedestal for me. I really have no idea ho to gte close or wath to do with them once i find them, that the sad truth.

Another truth is how a few times in the past i did get close to know more about them and after a few days or even hours, i end up hugelly dissapointed because they are usually assholes, toxic, stupid or plain mean or boring and uninteresting in the best case, soo i thik i am also kind of afraid to get close to them and see the magic dissapeare or worst yet....much worse yet.....see the magic exist but not being good enough for me.

The more older i get the more confortable i feel with this Husbando Syndrome but my frustration gres bigger and bigger. Sometimes....yhea, its soo difficult, soo difficult they are nothing but an image, and ideal or something unreachable, sometimes we share a couple of messages and i end saying "dont worry, i am just an admirer from a far away land" because i know nothing will happen.

It soo odd to be in peace with it and very confortable and yet ugelly frustrated like a bomb getting hoter and hoter. I just wonder if this will bring me more troubles later in my life.

I HATE THE INTERNET

 

Yep, i said it and i think thats another reason why i dont upload art anymore, because my dislike for the internet is pretty high.

I remember the begining of the century, the childhood of the internet literally, starting up the PC was expecting a lot of fun and excitment, aside of watching low quality videos or listen to music in Winamp or play extremelly primitive games, internet was an amazing gateaway to meet people from the other side of the world. Meeting new people was exciting because the only population on it was the nerds, lonely people eager to make new friends.

We find out elements that joins us, tastes in music, hobbys, movies, we put everything we love in front to be known by others and know others as well. I think is not necesary to say how internet is now, a gateaway to complaign and discuss to strangers, insult them and cancel them, something pretty easy to do but eventually leave us dry of any interest.

And while i meet some amazing people thanks to the internet, i am extremelly happy i had a childhood offline and with no PC at all, completelly focused in real world and those are the happyest memories i have of my entire life. Somehow i feel like i was wiser back then, more focused and with better prioritys.

Backn in the 2000s i remember my mother once told me "are you going to stay in front of the PC all your life saving pictures??", i didnt say anything but i tough "yes, why not?", but now, all the places i used to visit dont exist no more or are completelly empty. Places like DeviantART are shamefull and not usefull anymore while social media like Twitter or Facebook are extremelly censored and dosnt let you write certain words of show certain topics.

Then i was kicked out by Tumblr and later on, NewTumbl.....to be honest, i feel like i have no place on the internet anymore. I got Pixiv for my art but thats quiet a cold place and i have this place as well, wich is completelly empty and lonely soo while i have a place for my art i dont have too much of a palace i can call home in the internet or a place to draw my interest and atention.

Curate our own experience on the internet is trickyer than it sounds, specially in a space full of ADs, AI slops and gramathical limitations. Blusky is a nice iption but still, i dont feel very excited to start over in a brand new place and - oddly enough - seen the same people as always there.

I know it sounds awfull and this whole entry sounds like the complaing of a lonely old man but maybe thats wath i am, and that depress me because i am too young for that!!! I need to surf the internet like i used to and find my own way to a corner i dont feel like i am talking to a wall in a giant empty room but is much trickyer than it sounds.

SHIBE

 I think is time to give some life to this place. I know i promise to not post anything else thats not art related, but this has been relevant for my life like no other thing and i really want to keep this place up as a  personal corner for mine.

Some years ago i was at peace with my condition of being alone, i was used to it and i somehow find acceptance with it, i felt confortable but then life give me the most wonderfull gift i could expect: a SHIBE and i am not talking of an actual dog in here but a man who loved me the most. I didnt knew how to get all that love at first but i tough to myself "maybe my happynes is rigth here? Maybe this is once in a life time chance?" soo i decided to give it a try and i found happynes in the happynes on someone else.

A totally new experience to me that i learn to embrace and in exchangue it gives me more memories and events in four 4 years than the ones i experienced in 15 years. Sadly, my secluded way of life i build myself upon me wasnt big enough to contain his gigantic heart soo now i am alone again but extremelly lucky to still have him on my life.

A few days ago i was playing one of the games we used to play together and it felt like it was 2021-2023 again. I know those pandemic years were hellish for a lot of people and many lost everything there, but for me i was actually happy, playing games by night with him at times, chating constantly, going to the theather or eating good food the weekends with him, visiting him to watch anime together or play videogames at night, being able to talk with him about things i dont usually talk with other people.

I remember he telling me "you dont aspire to much more?" and honestly, it was a little difficult for me do it because i was actually happy the way it was tough i always seen us together in my future. And i hate that from happynes....you dont notice it until its over.

He expanded my gamer experience by making me play games i had a lot of fun with and he even bough FF XVI to play it at the same time as me soo we could chat about him. I mean, i remember how much i beg people to get Soul Calibur IV in 2018 and how all my friends didnt give a shit, but he bought, played and finished FF XVI just for me and he was pretty much the only person i could talk about that game. I never meet someone who do that with me and i know i will never meet someone like that ever again, he had the best of the best intentions towards me and his love was soo genuin, i am the luckyest in the world to spent the time i had with him!!

For 35 years Valentine Day means nothing to me until he arrives and now this my first Valentine Day alone again and while i am actually depressed and - maybe worst - very nostalgic about it, my time with him made me feel like my days before he arrives were a waste but i dont want to feel like that anymore, i want to change things up and made him happy again.

Thats part of the reason why didnt upload more art here in the last year, i was busy being happy, but as stupid and ridiculos as it sounds, i still dont give up on art and i want to get in track again little by little, i also want to write storys and i will try to write as much as i can in here because i dont want this palce to feel like a hollow cementery of my past life, like 99% of the blogs i link with.

I will continue talking about him in here because is imposible not to do it since his influence in my life has been great in the last years but i will try to post more instronspection about myself as well and more art i hope!!

BARAPALOOZA THE SECOND

 

And just half a year later Barapalooza was back. I didnt expect it too soon to be honest since the first one didnt had too much time to organize and my wallter was still in rehab after spent too much money on bara stuff last year, but it was back anyway we like it or not.

But this time was much much bigger, twice as bigger, with more artists, less yaoi and more furry as well. New artists who where missing in the first eddition as well as old friends, lots of cosplay this time (mostly half nude men in puppy mask) and activitys with prices and events, tough still contained in a medium size place.

First day was incrediblly full of people and actually most of the merch was sold out that very same day!!! I am very glad for the artists but i wasnt able to buy some of the products i wanted thanks to it. Also every time you buy somethign form an artists, they give you a small sticker for the conbook and once you get the stickers of all artists they give you a coin cnmemorative of the event. I really wanted the coin but buy something from each artists was way too much.

There was still a lot of bara artists missing but i am glad to see this event taking shape with each edition and i hope they later bring artists from another countrys as well and again, i felt "strange" buying this kind of stuff actually but this is a dream come true, specially at the begining of the century who started to see the bara art style born.

Two of the postcards are from the first event but the conbook was improved and not only is much bigger now but the activitys with the stickers were a nice idea, tough get all of them was a heavy duty for a wallet.

Git this book marker from ADRIXADRIX and i am actually tempted to use it even with the risky for people to find it since even in the clothed side this is very sexy looking.

This keychain is from EDD LAYER EX and i love it soo much!! He also had a Chris Redfield one i really regret not getting and some really amazing art prints as well that were sadlly sold out when i arrived.

This stickers from Ryu and King and the Snake keychain are from HTOAST ART he have such nice art style but i adore the two sides keychain of Snake!!! I cant belive there was this much Metal Gear Solid merch.

This keychain and stickers are from Y!Gallery veteran KERAINEN who was solud out of merch when i arrived!!

This stickers and keychain are from DUALSIDERS he was doing an activity where let you scratch on some of his little monsters mascots image and depending of the number you get you get a different price as well as the stickers of the creatures.

This is a Barafuda card collection from LE BARA ILLUSTRE he also had some awesome but really huge posters.

Stickers, art prints and more keychains from LUPIN ART and again, while i loved the Chris Redfield keychain, the Solid Snake one is soo awesome and makes me soo hapy, but also makes me soo happy that they are producing high quality porn art of Final Fantays XVI.

This is an artprint of FUHRER DOODLES and again, more Snake!!! But also i regret not getting more stuff from him since the qualty of his art is soo crazy high and hard to belive.

Stickers, cards, art prints and even more keychains and a mousepad from PRINCIPE CONEJO he had soo many merch it was pretty difficult to choce.

More Final Fantasy XVI!! Made with the beautifull style of FROSTED KNIGTH as well as more Endeavor and two pretty thick doujinshis of pornish adventures between Endeavor and Hawks.

No standee this time (tough i leave some i really want) btu instead i got a 3D mousepad from Endeavor made by Frosted Knight and is hard to describe or see in here, but the colors are soo beautifull and looks almost iridiscent. Her art is juts soo amazing!!

IT´S A NICE DAY TO PLAY UNDER THE SUN

I made a promise to not post anything more than art in here, sadly i dont have anything new from me to show but i do have an artwork made by another artists, a bara commission by Hasout that includes Miguel Caballero Rojo from Tekken and my own original character; Alexander Gates.

Its very rare to see Miguel art by now, somehow everyone is drawing Carlos Oliveira but Miguel seems to be in obscurity by now but i hope he comes to the spotligth agan in Tekken 8 and my Alex, well, its been soo long since i seen him and is always soo exciting to see him with the style of a different artist.

I love the style of Hasout, with enough realism to make it exciting and enough fantasy to make it interesting, he is really good at drawing hairy bodys and his wamr coloring is such a threat! I love how he draw Miguel but my favorite part is deffinetly Alex Gates, he looks beyond perfect.

This was a gift from my wonderfull boyfriend who knows me very well and makes the world better not only for me but for everyone by comissioning Miguel pornish art!! I love him!!

And please go and visit Hasout on both TWITTER and BLUSKY , his gallery is really magnificent and he keeps doing awesome art pretty often and is really good at commissions as well!!

BARAPALOOZA

 A blog entry!!! This time around is not about art of mine but about an event taking place here in Mexico; a Barapalooza, the first bara convention of the country. Something like that was just a dream 20 years ago, a place to enjoy all things bara and meet artists about the subject, finally away from the clutches of yaoi.

Tough since quiet some years ago we been having yaoi conventions as well as furry conventions. The furry conventions are specially lush and expensive....and i had my doubts about a bara convention and this Barapalooza confirmed them: there is very few artists in Mexico drawing bara....and the few they are arent very well organized, not like the furry fandom that works like a clockwork or the yaoi that have theyr strengnth in numbers. Bara is still a niche genere despite its boom on twitter.

Barapalooza took place in a tiny space and it was more like "Furrypalooza" since it had lots of furry artists. The line that divide furry and bara is soo thin and blur soo i guess its OK, many of this furry artists had really amazing art and very high quality merch i really enjoyed!! 

There was also some "yaoi" artists and sadly, theyr places were pretty empty since all public went directly to the bara sections. I guess this was to be expected but like i said, theres not that many bara artists in Mexico to fill each space, at least not this time since the convention didnt had too much time to organize.

All artists were soo nice, a true pleasure to meet them and i finally see after a long time ago old friends like Kerainen or Le Bara Illustree or really classics like Pirate or Dualsiders. There was really pro artists but also newbies who are starting to let theyr art be known on the internet and i like that a lot, theres a lot of talent and ilusion on them and i am glad they have a space to show theyr art outside of the internet.

My only regret is that i wasnt able to support as many artists as i wanted to. I spent much more than i was expecting and try to buy merch to as many artists as i could, but still there was some pretty cool products i had to let them pass and i am thinking on contacting this artists to buy theyr stuff later.

Overall this event was small and could use much more bara into the mix, but it was really fun and interesting and is a great start for something big someday. Deffinetly a first step for the 20 years old dream of a bara convention.

An very usefull and great looking Endeavour bag from JAIMONSTER and Monty underwear from VANDOIY

The conbook as well as some postcards from the event.

Stickers and some really cool keychans from DON BARA BARA

Love this stickers from BESTIA PURPURA

Some really amazing looking stickers from SLICE OF SALMON

More stickers and shiny postcards from the amazing talents of LE BARA ILUSTREE

Amazing postcards from PUMPKIN WOLF and ZIPPER HYENA

A comic and postcard from my old buddy form Y!Gallery KERAINEN

A postcard from MICHOCATTO and a keychain from DUALSIDER

An original hand draw sketch from HEAVY PAW DRAW

Two posters of CASTELS BUNGALOW

Two hand draw original arts by PIRATE YISUS

And finally two posters, a doujinshi and a standee from the amazing REDGART

I really regret not getting more of this amazing artists, please if someone read this ever go and support them, they have an amazing talent.

CATMAN (THOMAS REESE BALKE) - BATMAN

 Thomas Reese Blake, son of a famous hunter and heir of his fortune, once he spent his entire fortune and being a big Batman fanboy, decides to turn into a burglar known in Ghotam City as Catman (turning him into the focus of all of Catwoman/Selina Kyle´s hate), stealing banks and museums juts for the thrill of being pursued by his hero Batman, he even builds up a giant mecha-cat to pilot and steal an egyptian jewell that turn people into cats, but it dosnt matter how elaborated are his cat themed plans, he always ends in Arkham thanks to Batman.

Thats it until Lex Luthor try to rectruit him for his Secret Society of Super Villian and Catman rejects him, with the result of his lion pack in Africa being slaugthered by DeathStroke, Thomas vowed revenge against Luthor and ends joining the mercenary group Secret Six as theyr leader, a group of pretty odd villians who dosnt want to be Luthor minions and starting a mecenary career that goes against the Justice Lague and all other supervillian.

Like i already said in my last entry, i dont read comics at all tough in 2005 i started read the mini serires Villains United and later on i jump into the sequel long serires Secret Six. Gail Simone writing was pretty fats, fun and livelly tough while i enjoyed it, my main reason to read them was Catman, he was such a sexy and intense character i even read other comics he appeared as guest (like Birds of Prey, Red Robin, etc....). Not only he was really manly and sexualized, but he was such a dark and troubled man as well who was always facing the worst of situations. And most of those worst situations came in the shape of women....specially Chesire. And the oposite can be said for the men of his life, specially Deadshot who ends having with him an incrediblly bromance.

As a side note, Catman is bisexual, i mean canon and officially bisexual. And with all that said, no one draws him....there is literally no Rule 34 of him and that really astonish me until today.

Soo i really wanted to give some love to this lonely and totally ignored husbando who deserves all the porn of the world with all the supervillians and herores from the Justice League (specially his crush Batman). 

Tough i really changed my style to adapt it to Nicola Scott style. Her art is soo amazing and the issues she did for Secret Six are my favorite soo far, tough my skills fall short for such a feat, "good american comic book" style is much more difficult to handle than i tough.

Also i divided each of his costume parts in layers, to make variants soo i ended up with 150 different layers and a HUGE file and...really, how do you people draw a picture with soo many variations in pose and costume??? This was such a strugle for me, i dont know if i will do this again, modern artists really got all my respect.

The background was soo troublesome too, specially the banister with gargoyles in the back and i ALMOST forget to draw the reflection of Catman on the glass (reflectins since each variation have a different one), overall i spent way too much time on this and almost scrap it half way given the HUGE work it involved.

But, the idea to draw this hunky stud ignored by 99% of humanity keep me going, he really is worth it. I may draw him again tough in a much more simple set up. I really want to draw something more simple next (tough i am sure i wont).

Again, the HD version of this can be found at Pixiv and Y!Gallery.